I dont know about you, but I have lost out on some pretty significant opportunities in my life. Not small ones either. I was born in Hollywood. I grew up around some very well known, succesful people. My father was a musician. He played with very well known musicians. At one point, for a 3 year period, he was in one of the best known, most succesful bands of the time. His own music was produced by the same person who produced the Beatles. The connections available to me were something many people dream of. I also inherited a musical prodigy gene. I can learn just about any instrument without trying, and have "the gift" when it comes to musical intuition. And would you like to know what I did with all of that rare opportunity?

Absolutely nothing. I completely ignored it. I was too lazy to practice, and couldnt be bothered. I let it slip away like sand through fingers.

I took an IQ test once in highschool. I was such a degenerate, that some of the well meaning faculty postulated that I might be retarded. While that fact has neither been confirmed or denied as of yet, when I took the test, I scored in the top 1%. Meaning that my degeneracy was not for a lack of ability. Which led them to conclude I was the worst kind of degenerate. I wound up attending all of the highschools in my district, including the alternative schools. I got kicked out of all of them, because I just wouldn't do the work.

This is the short list too. The amount of things that I was naturally very good at, is long. And the list of opportunities I failed to seize with those natural abilities is the same length. Its uncomfortable to write, but its the truth.

When I got out in the real world, and needed money, I walked into a resturaunt that was near where I lived, and asked for a job. The owner asked if I had any experience, and I said no. He told me to come back tomorrow, so we could get started. I would later learn that he was very well known. Lots of national "best of" awards. More than a few people who had put in their dues in that world, were not happy that I had walked in off the street with no experience, and nabbed that job. Another undeserved opportunity. I should mention at this point, wow, what a ball buster this guy was. He made some of those cooking shows look tame. But somehow, this kind of difficult environment captured my focus, so I stayed. I worked for him for several years, and won his respect. Through this, I learned that I had a natural ability with food. Quite a few opportunities started to open for me. And right at the peak, when things started to get easy, and doors were opening, I walked away from it.

If you've read this far, you are wondering now, why I am telling you all of this? That's simple. I am establishing my authority to speak on believing you are a disappointment. I have every right to believe that I have blown it. To lament the past. To wonder, "what if?"

I had a dream this year, the morning of January 1st. It was something straight out of "It's a Wonderful Life". In the dream, I experienced my life, from the perspective of having made much different choices. Some choices that some might even consider better. But what stood out so strongly in the dream was the underlying sadness I felt. The weight of it was crazy. And as I was gathering strength to gain a perspective of hope to move forward, asking God for help, I woke up, to the sound of soft rain. With the peace that I have come to enjoy and be thankful for almost everyday in this simple life I am living. And the message was clear… "Do not waste any more time thinking your life might have been better. Enjoy where you are, and be thankful." And so I will.

God is not disappointed in you. God may be disappointed for you at times, but that doesnt last long. He is so creative, so hopeful, and so genius at turning bad to good, that if we can find it in our heart to trust him, He can lead us into a place where what we think we lost, can actually become a blessing. I cant stress this point enough. God does not waste time on disappointment. He feels it. He has even let me feel what He felt once. The amazing thing is, the feeling lasted for all of 10 seconds, and was replaced by hope for the future. His hope for my future. This is a difficult concept for some to grasp. We want to wallow in the loss. We feel like we are making up for something by doing that. But what I have experienced from God is, He feels the disappoitment with us, and immediately returns to hope. Vision. Possibility. And the uncomfortable truth of Grace is, that in the creative genius of God, what you lost, can actually be turned into your outcome being even better. No its not fair. But this is one of the reasons why the Gospel is called "The Good News". It means, "In spite of all your stupidity and fuck ups, God has a plan. And He is so good at planning, that where He can lead you next, will blow your mind. And if your like me, you'll have the addtitional benefit of knowing full well that the good place you wind up in, has absolutely nothing to do with all your greate choices and effort. It is entirely, from begining to end, and merciful gift from God.

I have learned some things through this journey with God. Things like the very obvious fact that things which come easy dont capture my attention. It turns out, the things which elude me, and require intense focus turn me on. When the path requires slow, sustained intensity, gains have to be earned, and I sometimes feel like I am advancing slower than everyone else, I keep going. It would be easy to say at this point, "I wish I would have known this earlier." But do I really? Would I still be right here, exactly where I want to be if I had?